Whether you're stuck in a rut of routine or if you're actively focused on how you would like your life to be as oppose to how it is at present, we can all benefit from continually striving towards positive self-improvement. By acknowledging the things that make us happy and learning to harness the motivation offered by these triggers we can not only transform our own reality but that too of the world around us.

Maintaining balance is important in all areas of our lives, including self-improvement. Attempting massive change of any kind will inevitably prove unsustainable in the long term. A method by which to feel greater self-improvement is to focus on one part ourselves at a time.


Photo by ianqui.

Try focusing on your mind, body and outward actions separately at first. As you establish new positive behaviours in one of these areas, move onto the next before combining the new behaviours and continuing to focus on overall achievement of a more positive self.

The key to maintaining greater positivity in our lives is to focus on transforming behaviour from the inside out and taking ownership of our ability to choose. We must acknowledge that we have ultimate control over how we experience the world. Our reactions as well as how we spend our time are what make up our reality and only we have the power to control these things.


Inner Self
Start a collection of things that trigger positive thoughts: a box of magazine cut outs, photographs pegged on twine, a tumblr full of images & words, art framed and hung on your walls, souvenirs from your travels, newspaper articles, beautiful fashion or an inspiration board combining all of these things.

Find your mantra: song lyrics, a quote, poetry. Find words that truly speak to your desire to be the best you can be. The right combination of words can rouse hope & optimism in the midst of the most difficult of times. Write your mantra in your diary, frame and hang it on your bedroom wall, write it in lipstick on your mirror, make it your laptop wallpaper, pin it up on a post it note at your office, make stickers to leave in random spots and share it with the world.

Quiet time: find a few moments to reflect on your day, or your intentions for the day to come. Try allowing a few moments of actively engaging in your plans for the day while showering in the morning or over coffee. You could also make use of the time you have during activities such as yoga, pilates, running or commuting. Spend time considering what you've done, what you'd like to do and how you'll get there. Use quiet time to bring consciousness to your daily thought, emotions and actions.


Photo by Purple Vintage Space Princess Photography.

Body
Often depressive moods and lack of energy can be symptomatic of our body not getting the nourishment and care it requires. By ensuring we focus on our health and presentation we are able to unify our external self with internal resolve to lead a more positive lifestyle.

• Food and Drink: eat fresh vegetables rather than frozen, cut down on carbonated drinks and instead choose fruit smoothies, snack on strawberries or unsalted nuts rather than crisps and chocolate, if eating takeaway go for subway or sushi rather than a burger. And drink water! if you've already had a meal and feel yourself craving snacks, drink a pint of water before turning to the box of biscuits, it could be that your body is feeling dehydrated.
  
  
• Exercise: You know your body and you know your food intake, adjust your levels of physical activity so that it suits your personal needs. Exercise will give you more energy, keep you trim and maintain your health. If traditional exercise is not your game, try incorporating more physical activity into your days: walk to the grocery store, cycle to work, do resistance training while watching television. Another alternative is to look beyond treadmills and cross trainers- why not try hula hooping, rollerskating, skipping, dance classes or martial arts.
  
  
• Clothing & Presentation: how we look can be indicative of how we feel about ourselves. Think about how you would like for the world to perceive you. Now think about how you currently present yourself and whether it is in line with how you feel about yourself. Consider when you feel most confident and comfortable. Look to those whose presentation and style you admire most. Spend some time considering your personal style and commit to presenting your best you each time you dress. Wear things that make you feel beautiful and confident. Go through your wardrobe and get rid of anything ill-fitting or that doesn't make you feel good about yourself. Hit the markets of local op-shop and pick up a few pieces that you might not ordinarily choose but would quietly covet. Don't look at others and wish to dress as they do, find what you love most and just do it! Create a style journal with outfit ideas, photos of your favourite looks and style tips that you find useful. Also see 14 Items To Enhance Your Daily Style.

Outwards Actions & External World

• Learn: read every day, newspapers, blogs, books, graffiti, tweets, press releases, journal articles, statistics. Seek information actively. It will not only allow you to learn about the world around you but it will also give you a greater sense of perspective.
  
  
• More on Perspective: check out the websites of NGO's, Oxfam, Amnesty International, the United Nations. Read case studies and go through national statistic reports that your government departments complete. Watch world news rather than just local news. If you're a college student in the United States, make it your business to find out what someone your age is doing in Kenya or Russia or China. Allow yourself to become aware of what is happening outside of your reality and allow it to better shape how you appreciate your own circumstances or react to occasions in your day to day.
  
  
• Participate: be active in your community, visit markets, campaign & demonstrate, attend talks, volunteer, grocery shop locally at independent stores, go camping or hiking in local bushland, contribute to your local newspaper or write a letter to the editor. Allow yourself to be moved by new knowledge and share your own thoughts with others. Start respectful conversations. Expand your horizons beyond your usual set of acquaintances and learn from the people you meet.

What do you concentrate on when readjusting to a more positive outlook?

Each day we encounter negativity, it could be something as simple as someone knocking unapologetically into us in the street or something more, such as a clash with a close friend. It is important during trying times to conduct oneself with poise and determination, rather than allowing negativity to infiltrate our demeanour and be passed on in our own actions.

The most productive way to channel any negativity directed at us is to turn it around and find motivation to change our current reality into something more inspiring. Consider how you can remove yourself from the firing line of negativity and ensure you don't endure the same unconstructive energy again. Also recognise how recieving negative energy makes you feel and use this knowledge to be sure that you do not leave those around you feeling drained because of your own behaviour.

Change your current reality. Write a list, make a plan, start at (1), start today.

Move forward and away. Where you are right now might have been wonderful once; but if a relationship or job is causing you any amount of upset, recognise that it may be a sign to say your goodbyes and take your time and energy somewhere new and exciting.

Be better. Use this time of difficulty as a reason to re-evaluate your own demanour and strive for a bit of self-improvement.

Believe in signs & find the good in all situations, despite how negative it may seems at the time. remember that you are always where you are meant to be. It will become clear, so chin up!

Discover what it is that you need to do to shake a negative mood in the first instance - from watching a clip on you tube, calling your mum, enjoying a cold beer with a friend, writing it all in your diary, exercising, baking or planning your weekend.

Social Detox. Methodically cull the negativity energy in its every form!


How do you react when you encounter a difficult person or situation?

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Originally uploaded by ♥jade♥

When it comes to intimate relationships, only the best will do. Think of grocery shopping - you know it doesn't matter which brand of pasta you buy, home brand or the most expensive brand, because when it comes down to it, the product seems much of a muchness. But you know that when you buy chocolate, the taste of home brand simply does not compare to that of say, Lindt or Cadbury. Well, think of your relationships as chocolate, not pasta.

A problem that strikes couples is that being in any form of intimacy provokes a sense of comfort. Getting used to having this other person to lean on and bounce ideas of is something that is easy to get used to and difficult to let go of. Comfort in a relationship can often detract from the sense of clarity we have with regards to the suitability of our partnership as an intimate relationship, rather than as a friendship. That is to say, we can find ourselves settling for a relationship that makes us happy, lends us support and provides comfort and security - but at the expense of proper intimate, spark-inducing connections.

Day 17: Love Me Dangerously.
Originally uploaded by SaylaMarz

Something that can be easily overlooked is that despite how great a person your partner is, no matter how little you could fault who they are - the possibility stands, that no matter how good you both are, as individuals, you may not make for fireworks as a partnership. This is not a fault on either of your behalves. There are tonnes of brilliant people in the world: they would not all work well in intimate relationships. This is not to say some fascinatingly rewarding friendships could not be forged.

Something that women, in particular, struggle with, is understanding why relationships collapse or fail to flourish. The 'He's Just Not That Into You' culture illustrates this point aptly - a good point to start at is to consider for a moment that not every relationship you experience is meant to be forever, take from each partnership what you can but if you feel like salvaging the pieces is forced - it probably is. Focus on your emotions, but remember, you are far too precious to cling onto something that is broken, something that stopped stimulating you long ago and something that is causing you any amount of heartbreak, anxiety or upset.

i Love u using firework
Originally uploaded by KicktheKids

When approaching relationships, looking for simple does not mean trying to find a partner that seems to be simple, comparatively, or otherwise. A simple mind, does not equate to a simple relationship. In an intimate relationship, you want to look for a partner who makes you smile, squirm, who stimulates you and challenges you and who excites you every single day. If you have these things in place, the arguments will be constructive and you will not find yourself wondering if there might be something better around the corner.

In realising how very rare and special it is to find a partner who ticks all of these boxes, whose intelligence, wit, physicality and ambition - compliment your lifestyle choices but also intrigue and challenge you in a most affirmative manner, you are accepting that broken relationships or difficulty in finding a partner is not about YOU but about US - even if that 'us' is yet to exist. There is nothing wrong with you, it is simply that you are meant to be in a partnership that has something more or different to offer. This is not to say you should not enjoy and make the absolute most of your current relationships or those that come along that inevitable, you feel, are not for the long-term, remembering that something positive and constructive comes out of all of our choices is very important here. The secret is to know when it is time to let go and move on - do not allow yourself to settle for anything less than spectacular when it comes to who you choose to spend your time with and energy on.

Don't cry if he doesn't call. Do not believe you need to be anything more than yourself. Don't settle for comfortable. Don't settle for good-enough. Don't settle.


Thoughts?

Goals: to establish positive routines & find clarity.

Life can be overwhelming: it's full of people and stuff that can willingly or otherwise drag you into a stressful, messy & mundane existence that is a lot less than pleasant & so this must be rectified and a more fabulous everyday is full of sunshine & disco balls sort-of reality re-established.

We must step back from the hectic life we have allowed ourselves to entertain so that we can gain true perspective and methodically cull from our lives the negative energy in it's every form. We need to ensure that we are filling our lives with people that are smart, events that are inspiring and that we are working towards our greatest ambitions & goals in some small way every single day. We need to break tired routine and establish cycles that see us on
track and motivated to succeed in every way and feel big love in all we do.


Extreme measures breed extreme results
We want to totally re-establish ourselves and feel in control of who and what we allow into our inner circle. So comes the social detox: turn of the phone, exit skype, no tweets or facebook, dates (with friends, life partners, mums, uncles, neighbours) are off, work engagements outside of work hours do not happen. You are getting your life back by first turning it off: are you up for the challenge?

Start small (clean up your facebook 'friends' list; ) and work your way up (cut up the credit card that is enabling a cycle of debt; Say hooray to that draining 'friend' that only ever seems to use you for your stuff: be it time, money or otherwise.)

Establishing Focus
Setting boundaries & making time: we all need time to focus on ourselves. This time should not be when doing laundry, showering or sleeping. Make a date with yourself today; think of all those things you would love to do but have held off from attending because none of your friends were into – diary them and do them.

Rediscovering & refining: think about your personal style: what your presentation (hair, makeup, clothing, body mods, posture), how you speak & what you say, where we work and how you spend our weekendsl it is all of these bits & pieces that come together to form us as whole & wonderful creatures; this is why every part is so important. Everything we put out into the world reflects upon who we are, if you feel like your life doesn't reflect who you want to be or who you are in your mind, fix that. Write a comprehensive list of your ideal you and decide upon actions to get you there. Remember too that who we are can influence those around us, make a conscious decision to not be the negative energy in anyone's life, yours included.

Stop saying yes: a 'yes man' culture exists amongst certain circles, you don't need to be a part of this. It is your right to be as discerning as you please when it comes to how you choose to spend your time. Do not overbook yourself. Be aware that saying yes can provide exciting new opportunities, but it too can overwhelm your already hectic schedule and leave you feeling drained. If you find yourself constantly guilted into saying yes to things you do not want or need to do, start saying no. Saying no is not always a bad thing. You are too important and your days are too short to be spent living how someone else wants you to live.

Total overhaul: you've just granted yourself a total people & technology detox. Be it for a week or a month, you've created time for you. Use it to meticulously comb through your life and get back on track in every facet: health (stock up the fridge with fruit & veggies, buy good dark chocolate to avoid ducking down to the servo for a mars bar, start skipping in your living room or walking part of the way to work each day, make an appointment with your GP for a check and a pap smear, yes it HAS been far too long), wardrobe (anything you've not worn in the past 6 months can go: sell it on ebay, give it to charity, cut up and make something of it), house (clean it from top to toe, live with people you can't stand: move), online (clean out that inbox, unsubscribe from mailing lists your never read, clean up the rss feeds and organise your hard drive; now turn it off, step away & take an e-break), inner circle (the people in your life: think about those who you adore and then those who somehow just happen to be there, cull those who drag you down, take heed of the old saying about how you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends).

Concentrate on establishing routines that work and making smart choices when it comes to the people in your life, how you spend your money, what you do with your time and how you present yourself. Remember to keep in mind that social detoxing is not about depriving yourself or setting yourself up to attempt to resist overwhelming temptation. It's about giving your mind & body a total cleanse. It's about ridding your life of negative energy & letting the fabulous flow every day. It's about allowing yourself the clarity you need to see what is good for you and what is not. Next time life gets too hectic & your feel drained and overwhelmed all at once, consider a social detox - turn it all off and luxuriate in some serious me time!

think_positive
Originally uploaded by APH0rism

Balance: our mental health is as important as our physical health, this means that ensuring the routines we have in place in our day to day are maintaining positive mental well-being is equally as important as guaranteeing that we get regular exercise & eat a well balanced range of foods. It's all part of keeping the balance in our life: mental health, physical health; these are not stand alones!

Relationships: Our disposition affects all of our relationships from personal right through to professional. If we have a negative temperament this put up barriers that prevents us forming important new connections as well as contributing to breaking down those pre-existing relationships. In order to prosper and feel connected to those around us we need to ensure that we are aware of how our character contributes to the energy of our workplace, our home life and our social circle. Have a look at your relationships, do you bring something constructive and positive to the fort?

Health: Positive thinking and subsequent behaviour can alleviate stress and anxiety, elevate confidence, lift your mood and increase motivation. Consider for a moment the successes that could come from these benefits, your overall health can be increased because of lower levels of stress and anxiety, your elevation in confidence and mood can strengthen your social skills and thus increase your social circle and professional connections, your increased motivation could assist in professional productivity and success. Think of optimism as your own complementary therapy and a simple contribution towards overall good health.

Perspective
Negativity can cloud our judgment and over run our perspective causing us to lose sight of the actuality of how pressing situations and events truly are in the longer term and bigger picture. By ensuring we approach situations of difficulty from a balanced and even temperament we can save ourselves from a lot of negative energy and stress that we would otherwise have associated with the situation.

In complex and trying situation the first step should be to establish whether or not we have any control over the outcome. If the answer is a firm no, then we need to focus our energy on an optimistic reaction to this difficult situation as our reaction is the only part of this situation that is under our control.

If we can control the outcome of the difficult situation, the best plan of attack is to focus on withholding the impulsive negative energy that would otherwise see us react with antagonism and focus on creating a plan to come at the situation from a more positive and constructive angle.

Appreciation
Hand in hand with gaining perspective is the concept of focused constant appreciation. Appreciation for your circumstances will allow you greater perspective. Whether you take part in TiLT, write a gratitude journal, tell people you love them, plant flowers in your nan's garden or leave anonymous optimism notes on park benches, no matter how it is you come to focusing & shaping the positives in life, learning the art of being thankful for all that is super excellent in your life is one skill that will see you creating a more balanced and positive outlook.

Appreciation breeds positivity and training yourself to show a bit every day will lead to sustained optimism. In the same manner and with the same result as setting other routines, after a few weeks of sticking to focused efforts of gratefulness, showing your appreciation will become something as natural as brushing your teeth. Being of a truly gracious mind set and realizing the value around you is a truly valuable skill to learn. Consistent optimism is absolutely something to strive towards!


What are some of your favourite ways to show appreciation? What do you do to remind yourself that perspective is needed?

Photo Credit
Being me-centric need not be arrogant or negatively self-absorbed, indulgent or narcissistic. Too often we deny ourselves quality time with just ourselves as company. Alone does not equal lonely. Spending time in your own head and placing yourself under a self imposed social detox could be just the kick start you need in working towards discovering how best to project yourself to the world. You are incredible, you are unique & the only way to ensure that people get a glimpse of this side of you, is in the acknowledgment that this fabulous self does, in fact, exist. Take time out to learn not only who it is that you are in the present moment, but also how to become the person you'd rather be. What facets of your passion are missing from who you are right now? Realise that you are the only person with the power to shape your present and future and that you can make of it whatever ever you please. You hold the key to infinite possibilities - you have the power to be whatever or whomever you so please. Become it & love it.

With knowing yourself, comes strength and conviction in the character that you know to be the truest version of you. The you that gives body & life to the deepest & most passionate ambitions that were once existent only within your mind. Take pride in who you have become. Accept that it is better to be loved, flaws and all, by just a few; then adored by many, for a censored or falsified version of yourself.

Open yourself up to the joy, contentedness and possibilities that exist only when you allow yourself true independence through ultimate confidence of character. Let your personality & passion shine 100% of the time and revel safe in the knowledge that you are bringing the fabulous everyday, every step of the way, as you ensure you project the greatest version of you.


Are you there yet?

On Gratitude - Group Collage
Originally uploaded by Fe 108Aums

Sometimes we need a little reminder that it takes all kind of marvellous to create the joy we want & need in our lives. Our job may be uninspiring and our partner may have given us the ta-ra, our flat mates may have helped themselves to the last of our brie and our laundry may be piling up, but really, it could be worse, we are ok. We need to bid drama farewell & quit moaning long enough to realise just how wonderful have it. Between the small things like seeing a cute baby laughing and the big things like an overseas trip, if we focus on the bigger picture while remaining thankful & inspired by everyday, we've got it sussed.

Recognizing that our lives need not be perfect to be fabulous is a huge step in gaining greater appreciation for what we already have, after all, how would we know to appreciate the good if we never endured just a little of the not-so-good, we need to pull ourselves out of the habit of appreciation things only when they are expensive or somehow grand. Call it recession inspired appreciation, take a long hard look at the stuff you can loved, adore & be thankful for that you didn't acquire by opening your wallet. Shoes are fun, but so to is sunshine & blue skies during your lunch hour, find the balance and enjoy both ends of the spectrum, really work towards acknowledging that things do not equal happiness & that money to splash out on extravagances too will not bring you the satisfaction we all look to achieve. Cliche? Most certainly, but it is one cliche that rings very true, just think about all the wonderful people in your life, you wouldn't trade them for a Mui Mui purse or an expensive trip away, would you? Cost & worth goes hand in hand with maintaining a focus on gratitude & appreciation.

Think of all those less than awesome life experiences as creating an environment of perspective, conjuring up strength and building character, to ensure you are gracious in the face of all the positive things the universe has lined up for you in the coming days, months and years. Smile a little more, frown a little less and let yourself have an utterly delightful day, no excuses, & if you do need a bit of a kick start, remember that there is nothing quite like:

• A blank page in a note book.
  
  
• The smell of freshly cut grass.
  
  
• A double espresso to follow your meal.
  
  
• Watching the sunset & managing to capture it with a photograph that looks like it could’ve been taking by a pro!
  
  
• Reading a positive email or comment.
  
  
• The collective excitement of celebrating (anything) with friends.
  
  
• Reaching that pivotal post-relationship moment when you realise just how fine you are without him/her & smiling because you like you for you & knowing that is what matters.
  
  
• Seeing a chubby baby laugh hysterically.
  
  
• Having no plans going into the weekend, being entirely on your time & having that weekend turn out to be the best in recent times (unexpected fabulousness is always excellent).
  
  
• Getting to the checkouts and realising your grocery bill is a whole lot less than you expected.
  
  
• Hitting the markets & sampling the fresh bread & chutneys.
  
  
• Feeling the whoooosh in your tummy as the plane takes off, putting you on your way to some other fabulous destination.
  
  
• 5pm Friday afternoon & going to meet your favourite people to kick off the weekend with an evening of awesome.
  
  
• Sleeping on freshly laundered bedding & fluffed pillows.
  
  
• Having the barista at your local remember your order & wish you a lovely day, and actually seem to mean it.
  
  
• Your boss giving credit where it is due & issuing thanks rather than ultimatums.
  
  
• The burn after a good work out.
  
  
• A smile from a good looking stranger.
  

What are you loving & appreciating right now?

This article is for anyone who has ever been kinda-sorta-totally dumped - discussing the idea of taking heed of that big 'ol flashing sign hung above the broken relationship that is telling us "Do not Resuscitate".

So, you're having issues with your partner: he wants to cool it off / call it off and you, well you've got better ideas, like a pretty white gown & lots of babies.

Relationships begin out of unexpected circumstances and chance meetings and so too, often equally as unanticipated (for one party at least), they end.

It's always going to be a heart achingly difficult moment - the one that pushes you into coming to terms with the fact that your partner has fallen out of love with you and it's time the two of you simply stopped being the two of you. When it comes to understanding the mechanics of relationships, an important concept to grasp is that things that what once worked can become unstuck over time - and while it is certainly difficult to grasp how something that was once so wonderful can become something so awfully dysfunctional - the key is to understanding that it is impossible for time & circumstance to leave a person unchanged - so too as a couple, we change & sometimes that change leaves us better suited to go our own separate ways. In other words, people grow and sometimes couples grow apart, rather than together. This is not necessarily a bad thing, even if it does seem as though your world is ending when you first realise that things are becoming a little less than marvelous between yourself & your partner.

Perhaps the greatest point to take from all of this is that no matter how broken your relationship has become, this does not devalue what you once had with your partner.

What a broken relationship doesn't mean
That you are worthless and incapable of being loved and so will end up miserable and alone with only cats for company.

That your relationship was worthless. Sometimes relationships have expiration dates, this certainly doesn't mean it should never have happened. Try to accept that the people that every person we encounter has come into our life for a reason. You've learnt from them and they've impacted who you are - turn it into a positive and be grateful for the time you spent sharing your life with your once partner.

What it does mean
That you'll find love greater than you ever imagined possible, you'll meet people you will one day wonder how you ever managed without and you will look back fondly at what you learnt from your heartache, knowing you are a stronger person for it.

So where to next? You have two choices, move on and concentrate on becoming more fabulous than you have ever dreamt you could be or stay where you are, focused on him, trying to control the uncontrollable & creating your own misery. Skip the tissues, chocolates & romantic comedies - go straight to the feel fabulous now bit - even if it does involve a little (or a lot) of false bravado - you'll be better for it.

Give yourself a clean break. Be less scared of those two letters, 'ex'. Don't load them with negativity. He may not be your 'other half' any longer, but you are absolutely okay without him, even if you haven't realized it just yet. Don't be bitter - work towards a friendship - don't believe the ridiculousness in what is said about there being no passion without a fiery end - you once were his closest confidant - give yourself time to heal, but salvage a friendship once you're ready.

Gain perspective. Step away from the broken relationship as soon as you realise in your heart that it is broken - even if you focus hope on it being mended, salvage what could be an awesome friendship and fix things separately. Get some distance from the cycle of negativity that you just know you've got going on. Maybe in the future you'll be crossing paths again, but for now, step back, who knows what you'll discover when you give yourself space & time. Are you still happy to settle? Is he still the person you lust over? Or is it more a case of out of sight, out of mind?

Reclaim Your Life.

Rediscover YOUR friends. Make amends for the friendships you let slide in your days of coupledom or get out there & meet a new crowd. Go out dancing with the girls, see movies, drink coffee, bake, go hiking or horse riding; get together & do nothing - just find YOUR people and be with them.

Start making plans for your future. Travel, learn, move to a new city, grow in your career & do all of it the way you want to do it.

Get rid of 'we' 'ours' 'us' from your vocabulary and start focusing on 'me', 'mine', 'my', 'I'.

Now get excited, because you'll fall in love again. Remember the butterflies when you meet someone fantastic for the first time? The lustful intensity a look can hold? Being asked for dinner & actually discovering things you didn't yet know? Looking so forward to the next time you meet? Hoping it's them when your phone starts to ring? You'll get that again soon - & in the mean time, you've got the best company in the world - yourself.

The title just about says it all, it's concise for sure, but if it were so simple to understand there wouldn't be entire books & movies dedicated to the topic. If love is blind, then lust makes us blind. Lust & love. Not one and the same. Sometimes, in a wave of lustful haze that often accompanies the meeting of a seemingly fabulous potential significant other, we fail to see what is blaringly obvious and need to be told several times over, what we already know deep down - that he's just not that into us, but let's not go feeling too sorry for ourselves girls, let's step out of that cloud of lust & false blissful blur, we weren't that into him either, were we? (which does not at all detract from the awful fun it was while it lasted!)

Let's break it down a little further:

So you're having issues with your kinda-sorta-almost-lover-it’s-a-little-complicated-more-than-a-friend-but-less-than-a-partner: he wants to keep things casual - he see's you as more of a friend with the occasional benefit or maybe he is yanking your chain just a little more than he should do, flirting relentlessly without follow through, and you, you want him to step up and start introducing you as his girlfriend, not just his friend.

What it doesn't mean
That you are worthless and incapable of being loved by anyone and so will end up miserable and alone with only cats for company.

What it does means
That you should totally & utterly, absolutely, well & truly get over the girly subtext accompanying each & every relationship you enter into.

Women, we are fabulous creatures, but we think about everything far too much - to the extent that we sometimes forget we are allowed to have fun without thinking a novel of thoughts on the prospective 'relationship' we are encountering. Over thinking can ruin what would otherwise have become some of the most fabulous encounters of your lifetime.

Perhaps the greatest point of reference is to look to the Sex girls, no better words have spoken on this much argued point of interest.

SAMANTHA: Look, you're a successful saleswoman in this city. You have two choices: you can bang your head against the wall and try and find a relationship or you can say SCREW 'EM, and just go out and have sex like a man.

CARRIE: So you think it's really possible to pull off this whole women having sex like men thing?


Where to next

Stop sweating the small stuff. Stop asking yourself why you weren't good enough or why you weren't girlfriend material. Because neither of these things matter - you are good enough & you are totally girlfriend material - just not HIS. This is not a bad thing. You'll realise this soon enough.

Delete the cutesy texts and emails that kind of almost just about allude to something more coming of your current dalliance. Move on & do it sharp, maintain the mate - cut the benefits.

Remember, the greatest job offers come unexpected, the most exhilarating part of your travels are unforeseen and so too, the greatest relationships are born out of unanticipated circumstances - stop looking for Mr or Ms Right, start living for you, go with the flow & simplify!


Achievable? Abso- fuckin'-lutely.