eight/three six five...
Originally uploaded by ♥jade♥

When it comes to intimate relationships, only the best will do. Think of grocery shopping - you know it doesn't matter which brand of pasta you buy, home brand or the most expensive brand, because when it comes down to it, the product seems much of a muchness. But you know that when you buy chocolate, the taste of home brand simply does not compare to that of say, Lindt or Cadbury. Well, think of your relationships as chocolate, not pasta.

A problem that strikes couples is that being in any form of intimacy provokes a sense of comfort. Getting used to having this other person to lean on and bounce ideas of is something that is easy to get used to and difficult to let go of. Comfort in a relationship can often detract from the sense of clarity we have with regards to the suitability of our partnership as an intimate relationship, rather than as a friendship. That is to say, we can find ourselves settling for a relationship that makes us happy, lends us support and provides comfort and security - but at the expense of proper intimate, spark-inducing connections.

Day 17: Love Me Dangerously.
Originally uploaded by SaylaMarz

Something that can be easily overlooked is that despite how great a person your partner is, no matter how little you could fault who they are - the possibility stands, that no matter how good you both are, as individuals, you may not make for fireworks as a partnership. This is not a fault on either of your behalves. There are tonnes of brilliant people in the world: they would not all work well in intimate relationships. This is not to say some fascinatingly rewarding friendships could not be forged.

Something that women, in particular, struggle with, is understanding why relationships collapse or fail to flourish. The 'He's Just Not That Into You' culture illustrates this point aptly - a good point to start at is to consider for a moment that not every relationship you experience is meant to be forever, take from each partnership what you can but if you feel like salvaging the pieces is forced - it probably is. Focus on your emotions, but remember, you are far too precious to cling onto something that is broken, something that stopped stimulating you long ago and something that is causing you any amount of heartbreak, anxiety or upset.

i Love u using firework
Originally uploaded by KicktheKids

When approaching relationships, looking for simple does not mean trying to find a partner that seems to be simple, comparatively, or otherwise. A simple mind, does not equate to a simple relationship. In an intimate relationship, you want to look for a partner who makes you smile, squirm, who stimulates you and challenges you and who excites you every single day. If you have these things in place, the arguments will be constructive and you will not find yourself wondering if there might be something better around the corner.

In realising how very rare and special it is to find a partner who ticks all of these boxes, whose intelligence, wit, physicality and ambition - compliment your lifestyle choices but also intrigue and challenge you in a most affirmative manner, you are accepting that broken relationships or difficulty in finding a partner is not about YOU but about US - even if that 'us' is yet to exist. There is nothing wrong with you, it is simply that you are meant to be in a partnership that has something more or different to offer. This is not to say you should not enjoy and make the absolute most of your current relationships or those that come along that inevitable, you feel, are not for the long-term, remembering that something positive and constructive comes out of all of our choices is very important here. The secret is to know when it is time to let go and move on - do not allow yourself to settle for anything less than spectacular when it comes to who you choose to spend your time with and energy on.

Don't cry if he doesn't call. Do not believe you need to be anything more than yourself. Don't settle for comfortable. Don't settle for good-enough. Don't settle.


Thoughts?