This article is for anyone who has ever been kinda-sorta-totally dumped - discussing the idea of taking heed of that big 'ol flashing sign hung above the broken relationship that is telling us "Do not Resuscitate".

So, you're having issues with your partner: he wants to cool it off / call it off and you, well you've got better ideas, like a pretty white gown & lots of babies.

Relationships begin out of unexpected circumstances and chance meetings and so too, often equally as unanticipated (for one party at least), they end.

It's always going to be a heart achingly difficult moment - the one that pushes you into coming to terms with the fact that your partner has fallen out of love with you and it's time the two of you simply stopped being the two of you. When it comes to understanding the mechanics of relationships, an important concept to grasp is that things that what once worked can become unstuck over time - and while it is certainly difficult to grasp how something that was once so wonderful can become something so awfully dysfunctional - the key is to understanding that it is impossible for time & circumstance to leave a person unchanged - so too as a couple, we change & sometimes that change leaves us better suited to go our own separate ways. In other words, people grow and sometimes couples grow apart, rather than together. This is not necessarily a bad thing, even if it does seem as though your world is ending when you first realise that things are becoming a little less than marvelous between yourself & your partner.

Perhaps the greatest point to take from all of this is that no matter how broken your relationship has become, this does not devalue what you once had with your partner.

What a broken relationship doesn't mean
That you are worthless and incapable of being loved and so will end up miserable and alone with only cats for company.

That your relationship was worthless. Sometimes relationships have expiration dates, this certainly doesn't mean it should never have happened. Try to accept that the people that every person we encounter has come into our life for a reason. You've learnt from them and they've impacted who you are - turn it into a positive and be grateful for the time you spent sharing your life with your once partner.

What it does mean
That you'll find love greater than you ever imagined possible, you'll meet people you will one day wonder how you ever managed without and you will look back fondly at what you learnt from your heartache, knowing you are a stronger person for it.

So where to next? You have two choices, move on and concentrate on becoming more fabulous than you have ever dreamt you could be or stay where you are, focused on him, trying to control the uncontrollable & creating your own misery. Skip the tissues, chocolates & romantic comedies - go straight to the feel fabulous now bit - even if it does involve a little (or a lot) of false bravado - you'll be better for it.

Give yourself a clean break. Be less scared of those two letters, 'ex'. Don't load them with negativity. He may not be your 'other half' any longer, but you are absolutely okay without him, even if you haven't realized it just yet. Don't be bitter - work towards a friendship - don't believe the ridiculousness in what is said about there being no passion without a fiery end - you once were his closest confidant - give yourself time to heal, but salvage a friendship once you're ready.

Gain perspective. Step away from the broken relationship as soon as you realise in your heart that it is broken - even if you focus hope on it being mended, salvage what could be an awesome friendship and fix things separately. Get some distance from the cycle of negativity that you just know you've got going on. Maybe in the future you'll be crossing paths again, but for now, step back, who knows what you'll discover when you give yourself space & time. Are you still happy to settle? Is he still the person you lust over? Or is it more a case of out of sight, out of mind?

Reclaim Your Life.

Rediscover YOUR friends. Make amends for the friendships you let slide in your days of coupledom or get out there & meet a new crowd. Go out dancing with the girls, see movies, drink coffee, bake, go hiking or horse riding; get together & do nothing - just find YOUR people and be with them.

Start making plans for your future. Travel, learn, move to a new city, grow in your career & do all of it the way you want to do it.

Get rid of 'we' 'ours' 'us' from your vocabulary and start focusing on 'me', 'mine', 'my', 'I'.

Now get excited, because you'll fall in love again. Remember the butterflies when you meet someone fantastic for the first time? The lustful intensity a look can hold? Being asked for dinner & actually discovering things you didn't yet know? Looking so forward to the next time you meet? Hoping it's them when your phone starts to ring? You'll get that again soon - & in the mean time, you've got the best company in the world - yourself.