Throughout our lifetimes we will encounter thousands of people. Some of these people will become our best friends, soul mates and life partners, others nothing more than a kind stranger that inspired a thought. Be it our teachers, fellow students, flatmates, travel buddies, baristas, fellow commuters, hairdressers, preachers, bosses; the people we encounter will offer us words and experiences that will help shape us in a myriad of ways.

Consider your friendship circle. Some of us adore being surrounded by large groups of people, not all similarly as close, but all of whom would comfortably be referred to as a mate. There are also those who are more than happy to count their friendships on one hand, opting for a close knit and more intense style of friendship group. Then there is a third group, those who fall somewhere in between, quite close to 1 or 2 friends while maintaining that large extended chosen-family. However you choose to structure your friendships, one universal rule remains relevant – that is to ensure quality friendships are nurtured and toxic ones are purged.


Photo by saaam.

It's important to choose friendships, rather than merely allowing them to prosper out of convenience. Our friends are so influential and we need to ensure that the relationships are predominantly positive, affirming, inspiring and healthy.

If you feel that a friend has been acting out or has callously hurt you on numerous occasions, the most important question to ask when considering their spot in your social network is:

Is their negative behaviour out of character?

If it is, it's time for some one on one time to try and nut out the problem. Chances are your mate is really needing a friend right now. However, approaching a friend to chat about out of character behaviour should be done with care - your friend may not have realised they were acting any different to usual and may feel offended if you boisterously accuse them of doing so.

Try spending some time speaking about how they've been recently, chat about their work, studies, partner, other friends or any family to attempt to uncover any issues that may be impairing their usually fabulous demeanor.

However, if someone in your life is consistently dragging you down and bringing negativity into your life and unwilling to relent in this type of behaviour – the best step is to acknowledge that while the friendship may once have been something amazing and complimentary, it is no longer so, and it is consequently time to farewell the toxic friendship. You owe it to your self to pursue only relationships that are mutually healthy and rewarding.


Photo by CakeFace Originals.

Not all relationships are meant to last forever, but from each relationship we will gain insight and wisdom important to propelling us closer towards being our best self. Part of being the best person you can be is about surrounding yourself with the best people for you. So take the time to consider your friendships, have the important conversations and make the tough decisions.

We are the sum of our experiences, good and bad, and our friends are key players in our script, that is why we must take stock of who we keep close to us.


Have you ever had to work through a tough time with a mate? What about culling someone from your life all together? How did you manage?

The break down of an intimate relationship or close friendship causes our self esteem to be dealt a substantial blow. We are often left feeling disorientated about our place in the world and we can forget how we ever existed before the relationship. We struggle to decipher a path to move forward because the person who would once have been our key support through tough times is now the reason we are trying to heal. With our confidante estranged, we must rally mates, make new ones and for some part, go it alone.


Photo by Martha.
We should take this opportunity to reestablish our concept of self, build up our self-esteem and make up for opportunities that we may not have acted upon while in a relationship. It's important to focus on self-confidence and self-love. Relationships and friendships break down for any number of reasons: from life priorities and key interests being too different to clashing personality types or simply from growing apart.

Break ups don't happen because we aren't good enough, a break up is about two people, not one. However, focusing merely on the idea that we are still fabulous despite, losing our closest ally, isn't necessarily going to lift the cloud of gloom that is not doubt rubbishing our self-confidence and making the world seem like it's spinning in gray-scale. Feel fabulous is hard when you don't believe you are, in fact, fabulous.

There are a number of ways we can recapture the awesome that is us without a plus one, here are a few ideas:

1. Rebuild up your self-esteem

Do something you are good at but haven't had time to do in a while: running, creative writing, baking, theatre, making music, sewing your own clothes, knit a scarf.

Do something people will thank you for: volunteer your time, teach or tutor, bake for someone.

Learn a new skill: play the guitar, take ballet classes, learn to ice-skate, take Spanish language lessons.

Set a goal and start working towards meeting it: train and run a marathon, write an outline for your novel, make a fundraising goal for your favourite charity and organise a fundraiser to meet it, book a stall at the markets and start making stuff to sell.

2. Enjoy sunshine and fresh air

Plan a weekend getaway.

Get up and walk each morning.

Sit outside with a glass of wine and watch the sun set each evening.

Commit to lunch time in the park each day.

Walk to work instead of taking the bus.

Lay in the park to write.

Have you morning coffee in your garden rather than kitchen.

Use the time out in the fresh air to think, be thankful, gain clarity and look to the bigger picture.

3. Focus on your health

Be conscious of the food you are putting into your body: try increasing your energy by upping your fresh fruit and veggie intake. Have a flick through cooking magazines or recipe websites and find a new way to cook your favourite food. If you feel your current diet isn't working for you, try a new way of approaching food - would vegetarianism or more raw food work for you? Trial a new style of cooking and eating, even if only for one day a week.

Use you gym membership or get outside & move more: it is widely acknowledged that the best and most sustainable way to maintain a healthy body is to eat well and move more. In the aftermath of a relationship break down, you undoubtedly have more time to spend focusing on yourself, you should use this time wisely and start an exercise program. Get to the gym four times a week, join a netball team, start dance classes, go jogging. Figure out what sort of physical activity works best for you. A positive and sustainable work out routine is one that you feel happy and excited to get into.


Photo by dotbenjamin.

4. Do something you never thought you could

Love dancing, vintage knickers and Dita Von Teese? Why not take a burlesque class or create your own routine?

Are you in awe of those marathon runners? Get training, register for a half marathon and keep working up to complete your first full marathon. Do it as a fundraising event for charity if you require extra motivation.

Do you bake fancy cupcakes every weekend? Why not apply for a stall at your local market and give selling your creations a go?

Are you a wonder with a knitting needle? List a few of your items on Etsy.

Do you write short stories? Why not put together a plot outline and start work on a novel?

Do you have a killer small business idea? Take a business course or find a mentor and make the first steps towards making your plan reality.

Fancy yourself an adventurer? Put down a deposit on that adventure holiday you've always dreamed of and open an account to start saving the rest of the money you'll need.

5. Avoid couples traps

Acknowledge that some places won't be happy places for you right now. Avoid them for a little while, or be bulletproof with a best mate at your side.

Don't do brunch if that was your 'us' thing. Do coffee and do it somewhere new, do it with your mate, do it with a copy of Vogue. Do it 'you' style, not 'us' style.

Don't go to a romantic comedy and expect it to make you feel warm and fuzzy immediately post-breakup. It won't. All of the couple moments will make you want to cry or throw things and all of the desperately-unhappy-single-girl moments will resonate and help you wallow in self-pity. Be smart, avoid the couple stomping grounds, for now.

6. Let there be change

Your routine will alter, but you need to accept that a different way to spend a Saturday won't ruin your life. Better still, try and accept that it may be even more fun than before.

Your circle of friends may change, it may not work to see some of the mutual friends and you need to work out who you need to spend time with in the post-break up period. You may feel lonely at first, but space away from reminders of your ex partner or bestie will give you time to decide what kind of friend is most important to you.

Your priorities may change and you need to ensure you are focusing on what is most important and best for you. You can listen more closely to your dreams & desires... and act on them.

Give yourself examples of the tried and true. Consider times when change has made your life far better than ever anticipated. Realise that it can and will happen again.

Remember that you don't need to make massive changes to start fresh after a break you. Your best you is still there. You need to recapture the parts of you that may have let slide or act on those little desires you ignored or relegated to the 'one-day' part of your mind when you were comfortably coupled up. You need to grab hold of all those shining qualities you exhibited in your relationship: caring, giving, loving, generous, self assured - all of the great characteristics that make you YOU don't get pushed into relationship purgatory at the end - they are still there and able to be harnessed into the rebuilding of a fabulous single version of you.


Over to you, what works for you after the break down of a close relationship? How do you pep up and move forward?

Twilight mania is in full force: Stephanie Meyer is the new J.K. Rowling (move over Hermoine Granger, there is a new head girl in town *ushers in Bella Swan*) and vampires are the latest incarnation of the sexy that Justin Timberlake so kindly brought back for us in 2006. Thanks to Twilight, and in particular Robert Pattinson's Edward Cullen, girls across the world have swiftly moved the focus of their obsession from wizards to vampires.

So how is it that this modern fantasy has achieved such cult status? On the surface the adoration of this series could be put down to it's being an alluring fantasy starring a leading man that ticks all the boxes (powerful? check! bad boy? check! gorgeous? check!), but if one were to look a little deeper, attribution of exactly what it is that has made Twilight a world-wide phenomenon becomes layered and debatable.


Photo by lyk3_0n3_tym3.

The Twilight series is certainly not winning any prizes for liberalism: gender roles remain traditional and the characters chaste in their pursuit of passion. Author, Stephanie Meyer is a Mormon whose religious affiliation becomes relevant when looking at the theme of chastity observed by the lead characters, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan (until the fourth book at least). Could the Twilight obsession have anything to do with attraction to these more conservative themes or is it the flip side of the coin? Are we following Edward and Bella in admiration for their adherence to a chaste relationship or is it the unfulfilled sexual tension that keeps us glued to the screen - are we eagerly awaiting the moment where Bella and Edward fulfill their desire to be together?

Moving past the underlying theme of chastity, one must look to the emotional relationship Bella has with Edward. Bella is a young woman drawn to a man she knows is not good for her, she plays out the well documented lust so many entertain, that of desire for a 'bad boy'. Bella allows herself to be the damsel in distress, as she lusts after a man who will rescue her, time and time again.

"Beyond the allure of forbidden fruit, there is the thrill of being someone else's forbidden fruit - of being desired in spite of it being wrong, or possibly even because it is wrong. It's one thing for one available person to attract another, but what an affirmation of one's desirability and worth to be attracted and pursued by someone who is unavailable, or to be unavailable oneself and yet be pursued by others." Steven D. Greydanus, decentfilms.com


Photo by GeekMom Heather.

It should go without saying that the world-wide obsession with Robert Pattinson goes beyond his physicality. While his aesthetic appeal is undeniable, there must be a deeper and more compelling reason that this 23 year old English actor has set pulses racing across the globe. Is our interest in Edward Cullen one that stems from a desire to win over a man who is struggling with his own self-control, do we simply desire to have a powerful, tortured man fall in love with us despite his best efforts to the contrary?

Sue Bohlin of Bible.org has another idea, she believes that the attraction to Robert Pattinson's character is down to similarity with another leading man, "What struck me as I read Twilight is how much the vampire Edward displays the beauty and strength of the Lord Jesus Christ. No wonder people are attracted to him!" Whether you agree with that sentiment or not, Bohlin strikes a chord that has the potential to be more broadly accepted when she notes, "I believe it's easy to get wrapped up in the transcendent relationship of a god-like figure". This certainly is true, the success of all sorts of ideologies rely on us wanting to put our faith in something greater than ourselves. Is Edward Cullen that something greater for Twi-Fans?

If one were to look to fan-art in an attempt to decode just what is going on in the minds of Twilights most dedicated fangirls, one would only have to glance around livejournal communities and flickr groups to notice common references to being rescued, saved and unconditionally loved.


Photo by i_heart_him.

This sort of fan-art reinforces the damsel in distress fantasy to attain a man who will unconditionally come to your rescue and too that of the desire to enchant a tortured & powerful soul like that of Edward Cullen. Should the question then be raised of whether the idea of a tortured soul is equated to a passionate partner?

Initially, it could be said that Edward's relationship with Bella is about practicing great self-control. Despite his desire to be with her, it is his desire to protect her which is greater. Are we attracted to a partner who cares so much about us that in doing so he denies himself? Perhaps so, but it could also be that we are attracted to a partner who is while powerful, also domineering and controlling.



Do we really want to give power to leading ladies like Kristen Stewart's Bella Swan, who forgoes her independence and gives herself entirely over to a man in the pursuit of love. Is this the ultimate act of love or a brand of romance that modern independent women should be rallying against? Is Bella Swan the positive role model we need young women aspiring to be? Maybe. Maybe, Bella actually indicative of love transcending all odds, true love conquering all.

A final thought on the powerful seductive appeal of Twilight and the Edward and Bella relationship must be on that of attraction to those who are different. In a swing away from admiration for the traditionally popular high school cliques of jocks & cheer girls, there has been a recent uprising of geek-chic. Do we now admire those who skip on the other side of the path, marching to the beat of their own drum? Is this a new brand of liberal thinking that has us appreciating and celebrating difference - is admiration for the vampiric Edward a nod to those who are not usual?

...or maybe we just like the idea of a pale yet sexy English fella biting our neck and sucking our blood...


What do you think?